Mary Claybon's Middle Way Health Blog

Journals

Jeanette, thank you for visiting my blog and I am glad you are thinking about journalling again. I love my journals. They are like a best friend. I open them up and write thoughts, what I am doing or what I did that day, poems that pop into my head, the beginning of a novel, titles for books, deep deep emotions, funny stories, and whatever feels right to write. I do not sensor my writing or judge it. God forbid anyone goes into the cabinet where they are stored. Reading my journals would reveal one crazy woman but they would be interesting, that is, if you can read my writing. It is not easy. I sometimes scribble and if I journal with a glass of wine the words can seem to go all over the pages. But it is fun. I always have a journal with me when I travel and so along with photo albums I have the written word on my journeys. I have a journal for when our whole family went to Hawaii. I have two journals from our trip to Israel. I have journals from both trips to Italy and my trip to Spain. I write down my thoughts, images, the foods I eat and the people I meet. A couple of years ago I took a vacation all by myself - kind of a retreat - and would take my journals into the restaurants where I would dine by myself and enjoy writing. I have been journalling now for years. I don't know what will happen to them once I am gone. Perhaps they will be buried with me or if I am cremated, they will be burned along with me. Who would want them? They are my words and my story and hopefully I will take out the parts that can be published and make some sense out of all of that for a book someday.

Beginning

Welcome to my blog. This is my first post and only a beginning. My purpose for this blog is to share my thoughts and my life with you and you with me.

I am a writer and have been for years. When I was younger I loved writing letters to my Aunt and to friends - pen pals-remember those days? It was so exciting to sit and write a letter, unleash thoughts on pretty paper and send it out in a stamped envelope. And then getting a letter in return - well! what a delight! I couldn't wait until the mailman came and had mail for "me". I would write long letters and I know my Aunt really enjoyed reading them, but I wonder if she enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Then I began a diary when I was in third grade. Remember those- the ones we would write in and then lock with a little key? Well that's the kind of diary I had-so that we could write secret thoughts. All I remember writing was "I kissed a boy today." That was the boy I met on the Santa Fe train when I went with my grandmother to California. It took us three days to get there and it was one of my most exciting memories. My diary could have been so exciting if I wasn't so intimidated by the pages. I didn't let the words flow like you do when you write a letter. Instead I wrote the part about kissing a boy. Then the next day we kissed again. It was really nothing. He was in his seat and mine was in back of him. He would climb up, we would kiss, and then laugh and giggle as we were told to sit down. So I entered " I kissed a boy today." Then next day it said "I kissed him again." After that I think I wrote what I did in California, but since I don't have the diary anymore I am not sure what it said. I only remember the kissing part.

As I got older I continued to like to write except when it was an assigned paper. Then I was paralyzed. It took forever to get the words down. Research papers made me so nervous and any writing assignment caused anxiety. Once I got started I enjoyed writing and managed to complete my Masters. Later as a professor myself I always assigned papers and presentations. I think everyone should develop writing and speaking skills. But my favoritie writing was and still is when I am all alone and just want to write. I can make up poems and write about life and my days with no trouble. I liked to write and I still do.

Today I have over 50 journals. I began my adult journals when I was about 33 years old. That was over 20 years ago. A journal is always in my purse and I write almost daily. I don't edit or worry about what I am writing so it comes without anxiety and my journal feels like my best friend- no judgement and completely open to my every word. So I write and write and sometimes draw pictures and excerpts from books or tell what my day was like or jot down a poem or the title for one of the many books inside me.

My journals are hand written, but I have also enjoyed correspondence on e-mail and have many documents written on my various topics of interest. I still enjoy writing letters on pretty paper in a stamped envelope but I also enjoy this new technology although I am overwhelmed by its many possibilities.

I have been wanting to write a book for a long time. I have thousands of words written for a memoir. I have written several poems and essays on health and wellness. I want to write a book that you can read, but again I have that same anxiety like it is an assignment and thus I lose my creativity. Now it has to be organized and look like something that has a linear train of thought. My mind doesn't work that way. My thoughts often feel like flash photography on high speed. Meditation and yoga are necessary practice for me so that I can slow down and focus and balance.

So I started this blog so that I could write and perhaps hear from you. What do you like or not like about what I have to say? What do you want more or less of?

My writing has a consistent theme - deep health and wellness going beyond just how we stay fit and trim and live forever, but how we enjoy our existence realizing we are forever.

Maybe you will share your stories.

That's all for this post. I feel myself editing my words now and that stops me from flowing. I will write more. This is just a beginning.

Thank you for visiting.