Mary Claybon's Middle Way Health Blog

Happy New Year January 1, 2010

 

Today

 

It is New Year’s Day and yes, like many I have some resolutions. This year I want to blog more. Although I would like to blog daily, if I could blog a couple times a week I would feel good. I want to attend at least one yoga class a week at the JCC. We have a membership and I found myself staying home and isolating more last year. This year I want to get out and exercise a bit. I want to continue to write in my journals and work on memoir material. I will also continue writing for Infinity Magazine.  My business needs another step. Last year I hired a virtual assistant and started my weekly newsletter. We worked hard on my website to make it more inviting and informative.  This year I want to get more traffic and continue to build my list. I am going to venture out to work at coffee shops or Panera for some of my thinking and writing.  A change of venue for work is a good thing. I look forward to working with my clients to help them to live their lives fully.  I have a feeling it is going to be a good one for lots of reasons.

 

I am writing this in between celebrating the New Year with my family. We had a wonderful Christmas in Chicago and have continued our get together this week. My son and daughter in law are still in town and we get to see our granddaughter from Ann Arbor every day. They are moving here this year so it won’t be long that we will see them often again. My other daughter and son in law and granddaughter who live near us were also here last night to celebrate new year’s eve. We had snacky foods and appetizers and grazed starting at 4:00. They all were spending the night, so after the babies went to bed we played Apples to Apples and Loaded Questions until almost 11 PM. None of us were up to see the ball drop but all gave each other Happy New Year good night kisses and hugs. It was fun.

 

Today we continue to celebrate, and I need to go now so that I can get more food out for dinner and a night watching the football games. I am not into sports but since everyone else is, that is our entertainment for the evening. I hear Ohio State is playing and since that is my son and daughter’s alma mater, we are fans.

 

I hope you are all having a great day.

 

Happy New Year 2010

All I Really Need to Know-Thanksgiving in Kindergarten and Second Grade

 

Last week I went to my niece's school. We made pine cone turkeys in kindergarten and wrote a poem in second grade. I never attended kindergarten so if all we really need to know was learned there, I had to learn it on my own. They are valuable lessons. Here is a copy of Robert Fulghum's things he learned in kindergarten.

 

ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

(a guide for Global Leadership)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

[Source: "ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum.  See his web site at http://www.robertfulghum.com/  

You Have to Stop Sooner Or Later

 For years people who have talked about wellness referred to weight loss, fitness or smoking cessation programs. Later we identified the role stress plays in our overall health and wellness so we developed stress management programs.

 Interesting that although the wellness industry has spent the last 20 years designing programs and providing health promotion information to the point that most consumers are very well educated, health is not improving much - Not the kind of health that is defined by an overall sense of balance of body, mind and spirit or physical, emotional or spiritual togetherness. In fact many people are exercising and watching their weight. Unfortunately many people have given up and continue to spiral upwards. There is no loss of material on what constitutes a healthy diet or adequate fitness program. There are also more self help books published than ever before to help us deal with our stress management.

 Keeping all of this in mind, it is interesting that when I work with people as a wellness coach, their vision often includes a regular exercise program and healthy diet, but it always seems to include the word balance and gaining more energy and enjoying life more. Yet that is the one place it is hard to concentrate. To stop all of our activity, whether it is for our work or just to keep the house managed is very difficult. We just keep going until our body can’t go anymore and then we get sick. It is when we get sick that we question how we have been going about getting all these things done.

More and more people have said to me that they need to take time to meditate, yet less and less do. Why is that? I know for myself I often feel that once this or that item on my to do list is complete, I will be able to sit back and relax. Sitting seems such a waste of time when there is so much to do. That is why we recommend that you schedule a regular time for meditation regardless of what is going on in life or with work. It has to be as built in as brushing your teeth. It has to be an everyday occurrence.

 But what if we are just not of the makeup to sit in a formal meditation? That is not necessary, but what is necessary is to have some sort of practice built into your life for reflection on more than your everyday tasks. The fact is that one’s body and mind can’t keep on going without a break. Eventually you will have to stop.

As you get prepare for the holidays, build into your day a time for silence, prayer, yoga, reflective reading, listening to peaceful music, journaling, or if you can, sitting in a position of meditation, following your breath long enough to feel a difference in your body- a feeling of peace and quiet rather than rushing and a sense of urgency. If you practice enough, it will become a memory in your body that you will be able to tap into when life is speeding by. Like all of my clients, it has to be a priority and goal for change. Let that be now and not later.

Friendship: The Medicine of Life

FRIENDSHIP: THE MEDICINE OF LIFE

By Mary Claybon

 

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.”

-       Henri Nouwen

 Friendship is an art. We are born into families but we must cultivate our friends. A true friend is priceless- someone you can call when you are confused, have a problem, or when you are excited and want to celebrate. Sometimes we need a friend to listen and not fix our problems or advise us with the best solution. Yet, how many people have someone in their life who will listen and love unconditionally without an ulterior motive; without asking for anything in return; someone whose own spirit is lifted by allowing you to share your dreams, worries, fears, confusion, anger, and other emotions.

This is rare in today’s society, because we are in a hurry and listening takes time.

Like doctors, we want to give our friend a solution. Often we don’t want a solution; we just want to talk it out. A true healer will listen until they don’t exist so the other person can come up with their own solution, but this takes time.

Recently I went to the doctor and I said to him, “You know, Doctor, I think there is an emotional component to this and I really want to heal at a deeper level.” He looked at me with a sense of helplessness, and said “Well, get up on the table and let me listen to your heart.” After putting the cold stethoscope on my chest, he proclaimed, “You are just fine.” Isn’t that funny? Would he really take the time to listen to my heart and soul and mind? No, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t have time. Listening to someone’s feelings and emotions is difficult. We quickly want to solve the problem, hurry away the pain, and heal the person. We can’t expect our doctors to be our friends, but if we had more friends we might not need as many doctors.

You may have a “ton of friends,” but how many of your friendships are open and unreserved allowing you both to expose your soul and unleash your feelings and emotions without fear. You are fortunate if among the multitudes of people you know, you have one or two trusting friends who will be there for you even when they don’t understand you.

Cultivating friendship takes time and thought and the ability to give and to forgive. It is the desire to want to be in a relationship with another human being for no other reason than the healing energy of knowing you can count on that person and they can count on you in life when it is challenging or when it is exciting. This kind of friendship is the best medicine.

 

 

 

 

Reflections on Multitasking

Every now and then I have to take a step back and regroup-take a look at all I am doing and reevaluate my goals. Lately I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed. Although I am very excited about many things-too many things are finding a place on my plate.

On Sunday, August 30 there was an excellent article in the New York Times called The Mediocre Multitasker by Ruth Pennebaker. Researchers at Stanford University published a study that essentially showed "multitaskers perform badly in a variety of tasks." They get distracted, unfocused, and are weak at organizing information.

This made me think about my own life right now. I am enjoying all of it, but having a hard time being great at any one thing. Then you might ask-do you have to be great? No-but we don't want to be mediocre either. So the question is one of balance and acceptance of imperfection.

My goal is to work at my business of coaching and health education three days a week. I love working at home and via the internet and telecommunications. Coaching is a rich experience for me and my clients and I have enjoyed this year of teaching mindfulness for weight loss and stress management.

Currently I am working on updating my web presence and becoming more savvy at on line marketing. I find this overwhelming and exciting at the same time. Realizing this was out of my realm I hired a virtual assistant who has been working behind the scenes to make this all happen.

I am enjoying being a grandmother and everything stops when my granddaughters are around. This time is precious and priceless and I value each moment I can connect with them by holding, loving, playing, and just BEING with them. They are only 11 months old but we have a very close relationship. We are celebrating their first year birthdays and I can't wait!

My family is important and time spent with all of them is a priority. My home and garden are important to me so I do value my time in both. Sharing life with my husband and caring for our empty nest together is a joy. We enjoy our time at home and traveling and enjoy our adult children and their lives. And we both enjoy visiting with our extended families of origin.

Girlfriends are another top priority and nurturing friendships takes time for sharing and growing together.

I am also an officer in a women's group I love. It is a group of women who come together monthly to connect and hear a member present a paper each month on a topic of interest. We are a group of writers, artists and creative women who come together to share life and intellectual pursuits.

Near and dear to my heart and soul is my work with A Course in Miracles, a spiritual text meant for self study, but often needing support from a group such as mine. We have a retreat coming up on September 12 on Living the Course and while it has taken preparation and coordination, it will be a wonderful day for us to come together.

I don't want to give up any of this and yet, as I read the article, The Mediocre Multitasker I realized that I could not do it all and do any of it well.

At least, I won't be great at anything. So I either have to accept that in order for my life to flow and to feel like a dance, I might have to STOP whatever I am doing once in awhile and DO NOTHING but sit quietly, perhaps pray, meditate, listen to the universe for clarity to know what I can mindfully accomplish when I take action again.

Shifting Gears

I just returned from a wonderful family vacation in Oregon "God's Country." We had 10 wonderful days away with our children and granddaughters. After being away and having a very long day at the airport due to a flight glitch, I am back at my desk, taking a deep breath and moving slower than usual because I am "Shifting Gears." Enjoy this article I wrote about this very phenomena.

SHIFTING GEARS

 

Your kids are going back to school.  You’re in empty nest. You’ve just returned from traveling. You’re starting a new job. Whether you are experiencing any of these transitions or other changes in your life, they all have something in common. They cause us to shift gears or reorient ourselves to our place and time and circumstance.

I travel a lot both for business and pleasure. When I return home it takes me a couple of days to get back into the flow of my routine. I am often tired and feel a bit disorganized. Rather than get upset, I simply listen to my body. Sometimes it needs to rest. Other times I need a good walk. If I just go with the flow I feel much more balanced and productive within a few days.

I remember when my children started school in the Fall. Summer was fun and our schedule was flexible, but by late August even though we still felt the summer heat, it was time to set the alarm and get back into a routine. When they all went away to college, the house felt empty and my husband and I had to reset our priorities.  It is all a matter of change and shifting gears.

Shifting gears has an effect on the body, the mind, and the spirit. We have to come up with strategies for easing into our new situation. We have to cope with change.

In the book, Aging Body Timeless Mind ,Deepak Chopra states “An estimated 6 trillion reactions are taking place in each cell every second.…In order to stay alive, your body must live on the wings of change.” Essentially we are always adapting to change.

Your body may respond by feeling a bit off. You may experience fatigue or a sense of restlessness. You may feel like you’re getting a cold or have a run down feeling.  Mentally you may feel a sense of disorientation or not knowing what to do next. You may feel unorganized or a lack of focus. You may also have a positive experience of feeling excited, relieved or contentment. Shifting Gears can strengthen or weaken your spirit and sense of connectedness.  

Some strategies for dealing with shifting gears or coping with change are first to accept that you need time to readjust. Recognize that a shift is taking place not just outside you, but within you as well. Ease back into your life situation slowly. You may need to take time off work. If you just returned from a vacation it is good to plan for a day off to unpack and prepare to get back to your normal working routine.

 It takes time to adapt to a change in your life, and if it is a big change you may need more time to adapt. Give yourself time to adjust to your current situation. Allow your body and mind to relax as needed. Take a nap or take a walk, whichever is most helpful. Most of all, practice mindfulness- staying in the present moment and accepting a short period of chaos while your body, mind and spirit adapt to change.

 

Mary Claybon is a life and wellness coach, writer and speaker with over 30 years of experience in the field of health and wellness. Through her business Promoting Health: The Middle Way LLC, Mary has facilitated wellness programs for businesses and individuals and now offers telephone and web based coaching nationally to facilitate lasting behavior change. Mary also facilitates A Course in Miracles group in Cincinnati, Ohio. Visit www.themiddlewayhealth.com or call Mary at 513-309-8377. Mary’s e-mail is maryfree@cinci.rr.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Becoming your authentic self

I am currently reading a book called Becoming Who You Are by James Martin, SJ. He writes about living an authentic life by getting to know your true self vs your false self. As he tells the story of his own struggle with a (Corporate) soul, He shares a wonderful quote of Thomas Merton from No Man Is An Island,

"Why do we have to spend our lives striving to be something we would never want to be, if we only knew  what we wanted? Why do we waste our time doing things which, if we only stopped to think about them, are just the opposite of what we were made for?"

These are such important questions and reminded me to be aware when I am busy with things that have nothing to do with who I want to be or the passions that feed my soul. Those moments take my energy and joy away. It is when I am doing authentic work that life flows; I feel healthy and energized. Work and play blend.

Are you living according to what you were made for?

Back to my website

Resolutions

It's the last day of 2008. I always love the day before New Year's because it causes me to reflect on how I want to live in the coming year. I always begin with the desire to quiet my mind and calm my body. In 2007 I managed to attend two yoga classes a week, journalled all year, and added time to simply sit occasionally. Then I hurt my shoulder with too many downward dogs, started physical therapy so in 2008 I was taking only an occasional weekly class. It seems quiet time took a back seat to busyness for much of the year. I always begin the day with good intentions, but find so many things needing to get done, that the sitting meditation just doesn't happen. 

This year I am excited about many things, but once again I want to make it a priority to balance my stress and put quiet time into my day. For me that will probably be a moving meditation. However when I stay aware of my thoughts and intentions, regardless of what I am doing, I become a participant observer in my life and all seems to flow. That is my goal this year to flow.

I plan to write more and keep my blog alive this year. I have to tell you about what I am most excited about -my new granddaughters-yes! Two of them, born in September six days apart. When I am with them, they center me. Their little breath calms my breath. Their smile makes me smile and appreciate the joy of life.

I am also excited about my work as a coach, A Course in Miracles teacher and perennial student of the Course, and a new book I will be contributing to this year. Stay tuned for Discovering Your Inner Strengths, a book of interviews with leading speakers, writers, coaches of which I am one along with Ken Blanchard of One Minute Manager fame, and Steven Covey who gave us the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Do stay tuned and do contribute to my blog. Happy New Year!! I look forward to sharing 2009 with you!